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The Little Things Wear Me Out

This morning I had to change my bed sheets. It has been quite a long time since the last sheet change. I put it off because it takes so much out of me to do. It seems like such a little thing, but it wears me out. It takes me about 2 hours to do because of all the breaks I have to take. For the rest of the day, I feel very tired and the pain level is much higher. My hips hurt a lot as well and I can barely walk. There are so many little things that need to be done and I can only do so many each day, so it is inevitable that things get left longer than they should.

I feel so guilty and horrible about not changing my bed sheets as often as I should. I do it as often as I can manage though. Recently I decided to ask if I was alone in this on a group I am in, and so far, there has been over 70 replies from people saying that they have the same struggle as me. Changing sheets is very tough when you have an illness, chronic pain or any sort of disability. It is probably a chore even for  people not dealing with disability! LOL One person even thanked me for posting because it helped her know she isn’t alone. That really helped ease a lot of my guilt and frustration at my body for not working like I want it to.

There are many little things that are a challenge. Making meals, personal hygiene (showers, washing hair etc) running errands, meeting people for coffee, doing laundry, cleaning rooms or the house, gardening, etc. These are all “little things” that can wear a person out. I don’t often share how difficult the little things are for me and many of my friends likely don’t know how hard it can be for me and others who also deal with disability. This is why I wanted to share this- that others who also struggle know they are not alone and for everyone else to maybe gain some more understanding.

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Nissan Visit

Hello again

I haven’t been on here in quite awhile bc i sort of got out of the habit of coming on my blog. I have been wanting to get back into writing again though, so here i am!

Back in December (I think), i received a letter from Nissan that there was a recall involving my car and the air bag could have shrapnel if it deployed and cause injury to me. My first thought was that it’s amazing that this was my first recall in 5 years of owning the car! Lol There are recalls quite frquently on many brands of vehicles so I figured it was only a matter of time that it would be my turn.

Well this week i finally got the call that the part was in. Yay! No more chance of my car having exploding shrapnel. Lol When I brought it in and the guy looked at the odometer reading, he looked quite shocked. I think he possibly did a double take. He was like “wow your mileage is low”. I have only driven just over 30,000km in 5 years.

I felt the need to explain that I have been through 3 back surgeries in the span of owning my car and I haven’t been able to drive as much as i normally would like. He didn’t seem to care though. So I was tempted to lighten the mood and say I only drive my car on Sundays and use my broom stick during the week. Lol I declined though bc he didn’t seem like the type that would even laugh at that. Oh well. I chuckled to myself still. You have to get your laughs where you can, right?

Now my car is fixed. 🙂

I hope you were able to get a chuckle or 2 as well. Thanks for taking time to read my post.

 
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Posted by on February 15, 2018 in Uncategorized

 

If I opened up to you, would you still like me?

Hello,

Last night I read something that hit really close to home that is from a lady whose name is Genevieve Georget. It is a post that a friend of mine shared on facebook and seems to be getting shared a lot. If you would like to read it, here is a link to her post: Genevieve Georget . It is really powerful and I think it would resonate with most people.

When I was younger, I was someone who had a hard time using the classic phrase “I am fine” when asked how I was doing. I felt like I was lying and felt I should be honest. But I learned that people are not always asking “how are you” to hear how you are actually doing. It seems that it is more of a greeting in some ways… people say it in passing and don’t have time to wait for a response. Most times, like Genevieve mentioned in her post, it isn’t the right place or person to share all that you are going through. She talked about the Starbucks Barista who thought Genevieve’s life was golden because that is what it looked like from the barista’s perspective. She talked about how it isn’t the right place to share the difficult struggles she was facing and there isn’t time to do so either. So in the short interactions that she had with the barista each day, her life did seem golden. Yet it wasn’t quite as it appeared.

I am now someone who guards myself so fiercely so that no one sees a lot of what I am facing. I even have trouble sharing about the physical challenges I face. I worry that if I share too much of what I am going through or what has happened, people will not like me and will not stick around. If I don’t joke and act happy, people will walk away and steer clear of me in the future. I feel like I hide so many secrets that it is difficult to have a relationship. I keep such a large part of myself hidden so that I don’t lose people and in some ways it is causing people to walk away maybe because I keep them at arm’s length. I don’t like to be seen as negative and was actually called that by someone the other day who I tried to open up to.

Yet after reading Genevieve’s post, I wonder if my struggles that I keep hidden would actually be helpful to someone else. We work so hard to project ourselves in a certain way, to look perfect or happy or healthy or normal…. scared for others to see that we have struggles or problems in our lives…. maybe because other people look like they have it all together and we feel inadequate next to them…. yet that person might also feel they must have it all together because they think we do. We all end up feeling alone and/or inadequate because of this. We think if they only knew our secrets, they wouldn’t like us. I know that I think that a lot.

People call me kind and all sorts of nice things but it is hard to accept because I feel sure that they wouldn’t feel that way if they knew who I really was or what I have done in my past. So I end up unable to accept the compliments that people give me. I constantly have self-doubt and more easily believe the negative comments because that is how I feel about myself and who I really am. But what if I opened up and shared some of those secrets? What if people didn’t leave like I fear that they would? And if some did leave, were they ever really my friend then anyways? What if by opening up, I actually attracted people to me who would be real and authentic friends? That would be quite amazing actually. Maybe if I let these walls down and didn’t feel like I had to hide such a large part of me, I wouldn’t have to work so hard to keep it hidden and I could feel more free. These secrets become heavy burdens don’t they? Maybe it is time to shed some of these burdens and maybe at the same time, I can help someone else know that they are not alone or maybe even help someone through sharing my own struggles.

This scares me so much to think about sharing things… but sometimes what scares us is the thing we need to do right? 🙂 So I am going to work on sharing more about myself…. within reason of course. I will not post anything that should be shared privately one on one verses on a public forum like this. 🙂 I am going to write posts and actually hopefully have the guts to post them. I write so many posts and then discard them because I feel scared to share them. I worry so much about what people will think of me…. and I shouldn’t. Thanks for reading this post and I hope that you will consider joining me through this. 🙂

 
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Posted by on October 5, 2015 in Opening Up

 

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I’m Back :)

Hello again,

It has been quite awhile since I was regularly posting on here and I apologize. Starting January 1, I started another blog for my photography called Heather’s Photo a Day challenge and I didn’t expect it to take up much time and I thought I could continue with both. Somehow, my other blog has taken up more time than I thought and I had to let this one slide a bit.

If I am being honest, I have to admit that I stopped the weekly Gratitude Challenge posts because I felt like I couldn’t continue at the time. I was supposed to have surgery in December 2014 but it got postponed and I had a really hard time with that. I was struggling with being grateful for stuff when I was in so much pain and frustrated that my surgery didn’t happen. I have been in pain for so long and I was looking forward to the surgery so much that it really hit me hard when it had to be canceled. I had planned to get through the recovery and start running again in the spring which wasn’t possible due to the surgery being postponed. It was difficult. I thought I would just take a break from the Gratitude Challenge but then a break turned into a longer break and now it has been around 6 months. Part of that is because my other blog was taking up more time and was getting a better response than this one ever had. I thought no one would miss it if I didn’t post here and focused on the one that would help me get better at photography which is what I hope to do in the future.

I have decided recently that I should make time for this blog as well. I keep being told that sharing what I go through could help other people. So I am going to attempt to keep up on here as well. 🙂 I am excited to say that I have surgery finally coming up as well. 🙂 June 18. It is coming up fast. I am trying not to get too hopeful that it will be the last one but I am, despite my efforts. It will be the fourth one. Apparently an easy one too. 🙂 Hopefully no complications as well. I wish I knew why things happen the way that they do but I think that there is a reason for everything. I wish I knew what the reasons were but I don’t. I try to be ok with that. I will hopefully have a chance in the next few days to update how I am doing in more detail and what I am up to currently (other than the upcoming surgery). Stay tuned!

Thanks for taking time to read my blog!

 
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Posted by on June 8, 2015 in Surgery and recovery

 

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Please VOTE!

Hello again,

As some may know, we have a Provincial election happening in Alberta. Some people are very invested in what is happening while others seem to not care at all. I am one who follows it all quite closely because I feel it affects me directly. I think it affects us all directly.

I think that it is incredibly important to vote and it is a privilege to be allowed to vote. I am tired of hearing people complain that there isn’t anyone worth voting for or they don’t care who gets in. I get frustrated when I see that people want to spoil their ballot or not vote at all in protest. Maybe if we would all take voting seriously and vote the best people in/the least of the evils, the politicians would see that we care and maybe they would do a better job of being accountable. Right now, it probably seems like people don’t care or don’t notice what happens so they can do what ever they want to do. Or politicians feel they can be lazy and it won’t matter because not enough people care to vote them out. Why should they try to be the best they can be if we make it obvious that we just don’t care? There is no reason for them to be better than the next guy. Right? It is like with the PC Party. They seem to figure that they will continue to get voted in no matter what they do. They think there are no consequences for their actions because no one is going to vote any different. But I think that people have actually finally had enough and want change. If you want someone accountable and worth voting for, maybe you need to take the first step and show the politicians that you care what they do and they need to do a job worth getting voted back in for. I know that politicians will always be less than honest and all of that, but maybe, just maybe they might try harder if we show that we care about what kind of job they do. I would think that Not voting means nothing to them and spoiling your ballot is just silly in my opinion. How will that actually change anything?

I am not here to tell you who to vote for. You will not see me calling anyone names for who they choose to support. But I may call a person out on not voting at all. There are countries where people do not have the option to vote. They would probably give anything (even their lives) to have the opportunity to have a say in who is in their government or change who is in power. Would any of us risk our lives to vote? I know this will likely not sway anyone to vote who wasn’t planning on it but I have to say something. I have to try to convince even one person to vote who wasn’t going to. I can not sit by and keep quiet. Thanks for taking time to read this and I hope you take the time to vote.

 
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Posted by on May 2, 2015 in Uncategorized

 

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Gratitude Challenge Extended: Week 22

Hello again,

Here is the list for this week.

1. Snow. Yes I am actually thankful for the snow…. this week anyways. 🙂 We had lost most of the snow and our perennials didn’t have enough snow to keep them covered so we needed snow. We got it this week. 🙂

2. My books. This week I got the books I had ordered for myself for Christmas and I am so grateful for my books. I have a lot and it is nice to have the selection that I have. 🙂 I am so grateful for the ability to buy the books that I have bought and to get the good deals on the books that I do.

3. That every day isn’t a bad day. Yesterday was a very bad day physically for me and it made me grateful that every day isn’t like that. So I guess I am also thankful for the bad days because they remind me of the good days and make me more grateful for them.

4. My toque and scarf. I have a favorite toque and scarf that I have been very grateful for this week. It has been incredibly cold for the majority of the past week.

5. Catnip. My cat is so funny when he plays with catnip toys. It is amusing to watch and makes me laugh every time. He will only play with catnip toys as well so I am grateful to have something that keeps him moving. Plus I enjoy the time I spend with him when we play together.

Thanks for taking the time to read my blog post. 🙂

 
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Posted by on January 9, 2015 in Gratitude challenge Extended

 

Gratitude Challenge Extended: Week 21

Hello again,

Another year gone and a new one has just begun…. I am looking forward to what ever lies ahead in this coming year. This week has been interesting just like every other week it seems. 🙂 I hope you have had a great Christmas and new year. 🙂 Here is my list for this week.

1. A very productive visit to the chiropractor. I have had pain in my lower back for a couple of weeks and he was able to fix it which was so nice. It was rather frustrating dealing with it on top of everything else. I was so thankful to have that pain go away. 🙂

2. Getting chosen to review a new book by Daniel Patterson who is a great Christian author. I get to read through it for free and post a review on Amazon.

3. Another brand new year to start fresh once again. I know that each day is a new day to start fresh as well but there is something wonderful about starting a new year. It feels like a brand new chapter in my life. I love using it as a time to reflect on the past year and to look at the year ahead and make plans. Not resolutions though but plans and goals. New Year resolutions just get broken so I don’t do those. I am grateful for 2014 and all that I learned and did this past year.

4. A warm house to live in. The past week has been both quite cold and warm. We have had -30 as well as +2 this week. The -30 temps always serve as a great reminder how blessed I am to live in a warm house.

5. My family. We may not always get along but I am grateful for them and the good times we have had, as well as the support I have received from my family. Reflecting on the year reminds me of what really matters and my family matters a lot to me.

Thanks for reading my blog!

 
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Posted by on January 2, 2015 in Gratitude challenge Extended