This is something that I posted on my other blog that I would really like to repost here. I hope you enjoy it.
The last few months I have been really thinking alot about my life and where I have been and where I have yet to go. I’ve been thinking about how I had plans laid out to be in a certain spot by 30yrs old. I have also been thinking how a wrench was tossed into it all I suppose you could say and in 2004 everything fell apart. I had a full time job, a business on it’s way up and my life planned out to have my own store by 30. I planned to have my own house by 30. Yet what I didn’t take into account was curve balls in life that can change everything. I have dealt with chronic pain for years and was determined to not let it rule my life but in 2004 it got the upper hand and I was forced to quit my job and my business and put my plans on hold. I know I may sound bitter and I once was but I think I have come to terms with it. I have learned so much from this experience and have become such a different person because of it and in alot of ways a better person. I have learned that I can make plans but I must leave room for life’s curveballs-what ever they may be. I do wish I could know what is coming because it would make it so much easier to plan my life. lol I did learn to be much more flexible, especially during the times I had to wait for surgeries. Each time it was almost a year of waiting and not being able to plan much because you don’t know when you will recieve the call to go in. I am not really sad about that because I grew through it.
These past 6 years I have learned that there is only so much I can control. I can’t even control when my body decides to work and when it decides it doesn’t want to. With that in mind, I have learned that our future really is a mystery but an exciting one. I think it is exciting because anything can happen. Sometimes the thought that anything can happen is a scary one because it means bad stuff is possible but I like to think that anything means good can happen too. I am aware that bad stuff does happen because I have had my share of it but I also know that good stuff can happen too because I have experienced it as well. If we are going through tough stuff, it is important to hang in there because the darkest night can turn into the brightest morning. I have been down as low as I possibly could with depression and thoughts of suicide and I am glad I made it through that because even though it has been a long road back up, there has been a lot of good moments along the way. I am still waiting for morning to come and for the night to fully end but I am trying to trust that it will come.
I still struggle often that I am nearing 30 and no where near where I planned to be but I also realize that because of all my experiences and struggles that I am possibly in a better place than I would have been otherwise. Before everything went south, I was so focused on material possessions and it was the key to happiness. What I learned was that material possessions are great and often helpful but they do not bring happiness. I need to be happy where I am or I will never be happy.
I have also had so much time to read and have read so many books that I had intended to read but never got around to as well! This has definitely been something positive about this whole experience because I love reading but got too busy to read. I now make time to read no matter how busy I get. I have learned so much from books and I know that no matter how much I read-there is always more! Books have been one of a few things that have kept me sane when stuck in bed because of my back. I have learned from so many self help books the importance of gratitude and positive thinking. This has helped me immensely to help me move forward. Books offer so much and I am glad I have had the time to read them. It was also my way to get away from my life and current circumstances for even just a few minutes and let the author take me on a journey to far off places. As you can tell-I love books! I also love to write as you can tell by the length of this post.
In closing, I had no idea I would be where I am today even a year ago. Surprises are around every corner whether good or bad. I try to go with the flow and I try now to enjoy the good moments and carry them with me through the bad ones. I try to be thankful for everything-good and bad. Because every experience offers us a chance to learn and grow. Do I still have down days and struggle? Yes of course I do because I am human but I try to remind myself of everything I have learned and try to be thankful for what I can. Because we all struggle and none of us can get away from it but we can take it all and turn it into something positive. It is never easy but it is worth the time and effort. Thank you if you are still with me and haven’t dozed off from boredom. lol thanks for reading this post that comes from my heart. I hope it is helpful to someone.